We have the most awkward service guys at work in the history of EVER.
Like…not the guys that work for us…just servicing accounts.
Like the two companies that service our uniforms.
He looks like this…
His looks aren’t the awkward part. It’s his PRESENCE!
The guy seriously has to walk a total of 20 feet from his truck to our desk.
And every. single. time. We are scared he is going to kill over dead right on our ceramic tile.
He huffs. and puffs. and wheezes.
Even during the 5 minutes he stands still while he makes awkward convos and creepy eye at us while we sign the flippin ticket.
And yes…creepy eye.
His less than pleasant smell and greasy dirty signature machine make me have an intense need to wash my hands for 2 1/2 minutes OCD style after his departure.
Supporting evidence for my case: This is a text from muh office partner in crime.
Creepy McWeirdo Numba TWO:
The guy from uniform company numba two.
He looks like this.
And I’m pretty positive he goes home at night and puts that exact outfit on too.
I can just tell.
This guy. Bless his little heart. Is sweet as can be.
Too sweet. Too friendly. Wayyy too friendly.
He’s one of those guys that is so nice you feel bad for thinking he’s really this guy..
But I’m 100% convinced I’m going to flip on the 10 o’clock news one night and there he’ll be.
He always has a big awkward smile on his face.
His convos are even longer & awkwarder than the other uniforms guy.
Bc this guy…he just stares at you.
With his creepy little smile.
The smile that says…”I’m imagining chopping you up and wearing you as a dress right now”
THAT kind of smile.
And when he talks to you. You better answer.
You better look at him and give him your undivided attention.
Or else he will kick up the creepy awkwardness full dial and stay longer.
Then there’s the Schwann’s guy.
He looks like this.
He says awkward things like Snackalicious. And tells us we’re “naughty” when we pick out things like Mac & Cheese.
One day…I was having a meeting with the President/Owner of the company & our Operations Manager (muh hubs Dan tha Man) and the creepy short Schwann’s man walked in. I tried to intercept and politely decline a purchase for the day…when he turned to the two men sitting at the conference table. Then he proceeded to ask me if the President/Owner of the company was my husband. I embarrassingly said no, and introduced him. Then the FUH-REEEEK proceeded to say…”Well he may not be your husband but he’s sure your daddy”
WTF??????? Is this guy serious????
He fo reals said that in front of my husband & MY BOSS?!?!?!
ABOUT MY BOSS!
Yes. I died.
I died a long tragically dramatic death of embarrassment.
On our office ceramic tile.
In a puddle of Mr. GK Wheezy’s sweat.