If I don’t make some major lifestyle changes,. I’m going to die.
Lets just review shall we?
I’m wayyy overweight.
Body nourishment/food intake: garbage smothered in garbage wrapped fried dipped and battered in garbage
Physical activity: nonexistent.
I have a mega crazy family history of heart disease: My uncle died of a massive heart attack in his 40’s. my other uncle, my aunt, & my dad all had open heart bypasses. That’s all of my grandparents kids.
Worst of all: I’m passing on this unhealthy lifestyle to my kids.. And that’s killing me!
So basically.. What I’m saying is..
The odds are stacked against me.
and..I’m pretty much a walking, ticking, time bomb.
I know… I’m such a loser. Not literally. Although I wish literally. I guess I should say instead …I’m a failure.
It’s just sooo hard to stick to a diet…especially when I’m soooo stressed out. And then when I fall off the wagon..I feel like such a failure.
I know Dr. Phil…. I know.
I know a few weeks ago I was all cheerleader Mrs.Positive..imperfect progress…keep moving forward…blah..blah…BLAH! That’s all good & fine…for a hot minute. But then real life kicks in & all you want to do is order a pepperoni & Italian sausage & jalapeno Dominos pizza in stuff your miserable face.
Life is hard right now. Real hard. I have a bad attitude. Everything that can go wrong…has. Everywhere I turn it’s something else.
And I mean everywhere..work, home, kids, kid’s school, kids activities, family, my house, health, my sanity…just EVERYTHING! And it’s sooo hard to put on my happy face & pretend like everything is hunky dory when it’s just not. So..I’ve been in a bad mood w/ a bad attitude.
I try to stay positive. I try to pray. I try to believe everything will work out. I try to stick to eating healthy & counting calories. But I just can’t. don’t. won’t. haven’t.
and I know that just adds to the problem.
I know muh girl at work & muh man at home is tired of hearing my bitchin & moaning & whinin. I’ve been such a downer…I’m even sick of myself.
I’m sick of being sick. I’m sick of being fat. I’m sick of a stressful crazy job, house, life! I’m sick of the suffocating feeling of all the big decisions that weigh us down lately. Sick of always feeling overwhelmed & like I’m drowning.
I’m just sick & tired of everything!
I want to climb into bed & cry & wallow in my own self pity.