I’m going to die.

What I’m trying to say is…

I’m going to die.

Wait something is missing..

Oh yeah, the first part.

If I don’t make some major lifestyle changes,. I’m going to die.

Lets just review shall we?

I’m wayyy overweight.

Body nourishment/food intake: garbage smothered in garbage wrapped fried dipped and battered in garbage

Physical activity: nonexistent.

I have a mega crazy family history of heart disease: My uncle died of a massive heart attack in his 40’s. my other uncle, my aunt, & my dad all had open heart bypasses. That’s all of my grandparents kids.

Worst of all: I’m passing on this unhealthy lifestyle to my kids.. And that’s killing me!

So basically.. What I’m saying is..

The odds are stacked against me.

and..I’m pretty much a walking, ticking, time bomb.

I will be 30 in about two weeks.

It’s time.

Time to make some maja changes.

Real. Lasting. Change.

It’s my blog…I’ll whine if I want too!

Where have I been? Busy. Busy. Busy.

Have I been dieting? Hell no.

I know… I’m such a loser. Not literally. Although I wish literally. I guess I should say instead …I’m a failure.

It’s just sooo hard to stick to a diet…especially when I’m soooo stressed out. And then when I fall off the wagon..I feel like such a failure.

I know Dr. Phil…. I know.

 

I know a few weeks ago I was all cheerleader Mrs.Positive..imperfect progress…keep moving forward…blah..blah…BLAH! That’s all good & fine…for a hot minute. But then real life kicks in & all you want to do is order a pepperoni & Italian sausage & jalapeno Dominos pizza in stuff your miserable face.

Life is hard right now. Real hard. I have a bad attitude. Everything that can go wrong…has. Everywhere I turn it’s something else.

And I mean everywhere..work, home, kids, kid’s school, kids activities, family, my house, health, my sanity…just EVERYTHING!  And it’s sooo hard to put on my happy face & pretend like everything is hunky dory when it’s just not. So..I’ve been in a bad mood w/ a bad attitude.

I try to stay positive. I try to pray. I try to believe everything will work out. I try to stick to eating healthy & counting calories. But I just can’t. don’t. won’t. haven’t.

Bad.

Attitude.

Stinkin’.

Thinkin.

and I know that just adds to the problem.

I know muh girl at work & muh man at home is tired of hearing my bitchin & moaning & whinin. I’ve been such a downer…I’m even sick of myself.

BUT..

This is my blog…and I’ll whine if I want to!

UGHHHHH!!! AHHHH! &(#))@U&$??$()@(_D)@$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sick of being sick. I’m sick of being fat. I’m sick of a stressful crazy job, house, life! I’m sick of the suffocating feeling of all the big decisions that weigh us down lately. Sick of always feeling overwhelmed & like I’m drowning.

I’m just sick & tired of everything!

I want to climb into bed & cry & wallow in my own self pity.

I

just

want

PEACE.