5 on Friday & Do Something September: Instagram Awesomeness

This week I decided to join a little link up..Oh yeah!
Numero Uno Numba ONE:
Muh September IG Word A Day! August was a lame fail but Imma REEEEALLY try to do this one! Be awesome & do it too!

 

Numba Two:

And the Miley saga continues….

(there is no shortage of miley meme’s to keep me entertained)

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twitt

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I guess that’s enough…but seriously I love a good laugh…thanks Miley.

TRES:

Here’s a short version of My Kid’s do the Weirdest Chit..

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umm…don’t your kids tape socks to their bedroom door?

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umm…don’t your kids tear 5 bazillion squares off the toilet paper roll & leave them around the bathroom?

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umm..your kids don’t do random poses RIGHT before you snap a picture?

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ummm…well sorry your kids aren’t as awesome as mine.

FOUR FOUR get to booty on the FLO:

Uh yeah…

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I’m pretty much over this stuff. It’s ONE of the many reasons I don’t have BookFace. But darned if I don’t find it creepin in my IG feed.

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and high FIVE:

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I live for this guy’s comments & blog posts. His humor completes me.

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IF YOU AREN’T SHAPING YOUR KID’S FOOD INTO BELOVED CARTOON CHARACTERS, YOU PROBABLY JUST DON’T LOVE THEM.

If you are wondering why I’ve been M.I.A. from the blog world for like evaaaa….then you’ll just have to wonder a little bit longer. #sorrynotsorry . Ok I am sorry for using that lame hashtag. #not.

Have no fear! I will be back in the blogosphere in full force soon enough!

For now…enjoy this repost from Back to School stuff from last year….

if-you-dont-lunch

When I was a kid…I was lucky to get this:

 

TODAY:

Like O. M. G. I’m totally going to spend 3 hours every night carefully crafting my rotten child’s lunch into the most adorbs little creations so I can totally be the coolest mom on the block. THANKS PINTEREST!

Crazy mom say whaaaaat??

Although the latest Pinterest craze of fun kids lunches is cute….that’s all it is. Cute.

Hello people!

It’s just NOT practical!

Step away from the mouse! Don’t you pin that!

Hey! Don’t do it! DON’T PIN IT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SANE!

Shrimp? Really? SHRIMP????

I’m sure that is ganna be fresh & smell spectacular come lunch time. Your child’s teacher thanks you.

The skewer lunch above would just result in pissing my kids off. That wouldn’t fill their tummies. Daynie would open her lunch box & be all…”W-T-F MOM?!”

This giraffe is soooooo cute. Umm…yeah…but it’s sure the hell not practical!

I’m sure this kid appreciates the amount of bread you just wasted to perfect each body part:

I mean…is THIS practical?? What a WASTE…

You ganna eat YO cone-bread?

Where’s the rest of the orange?

Did you REALLY just cut open a whole orange to use ONE slice to make a sun? Mom, c’mon…I’m starving here…can you stop teasing me & let me eat the WHOLE orange?

This looks fun:

I’m sure the Cafeteria Monitor Nazi’s are totally going to be into letting the kids play just one more game before eating their lunch.

I’m sure this will remain intact by lunch time:

And these?? Don’t EVEN get me started on THESE!

DIY Re-usable snack lunch bags?

Because the 200 pack of ziploc bags for $1 at Wal-Mart isn’t practical OR going to save you time & money. Hmph.

Do I even need to touch on CLEANING THOSE THINGS??

Phineas

 

Mom’s…you’re setting the bar wayyy too high.

Think of your child’s devastation on the days they open their lunch box to see this:

standard-kids-lunch-box

GASP!!

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Yes my friends…there’s a pin for that.

 

Mom’s you must STOP this PINstrosity right now!

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6 Things You Should Know About Me.

I’ve been tagged! Being the awesome good sport I am I’m going to participate!

Plus I love to talk about myself.

And I want a participation award.

YMCA style. Everyone’s a winner 🙂

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So here goes…

you should know

 

1. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
         Hopefully alive. That’s muh main goal. Stay alive. Just keep livin. It’s actually #1
         on my bucket list of things to do before I die.
              72072
2.  If you have 3 wishes what would they be?
        Seriously? Like there is even any other answer…
           Obvi…
              #1    Eat and not get fat.
              #2    Eat and not get fat.
              #3    Eat and not get fat.
            images
3. What blogs are you loving right now that have under 200 followers?
        I only follow big bloggers. I’m a blog snob like that.
        J/K ya’ll…simmer down now.
        IDK how many followers the blogs I read have…I just read what I like.
        Whatev jumps out & makes me feel awesome that day, I read them again
        the next day. .
        If they literally make me LOL or strike my fancy otherwise…I add ’em to muh
        blog roll.
        It’s just the way I do things
       Right now there are a few that get me giddy when I see a new post in
       my BlogLovin
       feed:  (in no absolute awesome particular order)
B
M
HOLLY HEADER
Nerky-Header
t header
sota
HJ HEADER
The Nina Show Resized small banner
              Oh wait that’s me. Uh yeah…I read myself…and actually..I prob need to
              move me to the top of the list.
4.  What is your best advice you have received about blogging?
        Advice from the bee I posted just the other day on my IG.
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5. If you could only take one thing to an uninhabited environment what would you take (think Naked and Afraid)?
           OBVI I would take muh man Danny. I need him to take care of all my needs…
           like
           build the fires, make my food, & scare away the scary animals.
           Duh.
         This is his mean face.
Best step back freaky amazon animal thing.

Best step back freaky amazon animal thing.

6. Tell us something we don’t know about you.
         I’m not really a famous bloggist.
         It’s just a cover for my real secret life as a famous Elf on the Shelf porn writer.
                    elf-on-the-shelf-001
         and not that freaky Pound Puppy shit. The cheesy, tasteful porn.
         I have standards ya’ll.
7.  If you could open your own business what kind of good or service would you provide?
  What would your business be like?
           I think about this ALL the time 🙂
           I want to be a kick ass party planner.
           I want to own the venue & throw over the top kick ass parties that have all the                      bitches talkin.
           Bam.
           Actually I already do that minus the venue.
           Whether it’s my kick ass partayyys or not…..
           All the bitches be talkin.

Thanks for tagging me A Fluffy Girl 🙂

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Oh & BTW…I did 7 instead of 6 b/c 7 is a way more awesomer number than 6.

So suck it 6!

I’m not tagging anyone b/c I would totes die a thousand deaths of embarrassment if my famous blogging colleagues blew me off and didn’t do it. Totes dead. And we all know that staying alive is numero uno on muh bucket list. So that’s out.

Recipe to pass on for generations…

So I was scanning Pinterest the other night & came across this awesome recipe for ice.

I immediately rolled my eyes bc obvi people don’t have to make ice…that’s what refrigerators are for.

But then I got to thinking…what if by some crazy chance I end up in a 3rd world country on Naked & Afraid and need to use my survival skills to make ice? So I decided to go ahead and read up on the subject..ya know…just in case.

Upon clicking on the pin…I was brought to this amazing recipe..

ice

 

But  ZERO freakin carbs isn’t even the best part!!!  Check the reviews on this recipe!

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TEARS in my eyes!!

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To view the recipe & hours of hilariousity…click here.

Vids to make ya chuckle..

 

So first off…

I live in TEXAS.

It’s flippin HOT here.

So I can appreciate this woman’s frustration.

Put me down for a snow living room too Lord.

The next video isn’t as funny as it is awesome!  Your mouth will be open in shock at how cool this maid of honor is…until the end when she gets a standing ovation. If my sista hyjacked my day & got the crowd to go wild like she’s the Jonas’ brother’s long lost sister…I’d punch her in the throat & smear wedding cake in her face.

And last but most certainly not least…

The train wreck we call Miley.

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If you follow me on InstaGram…you know I posted this after watching her latest vid.

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The first 3 times I watched this I thought…what a whack job…is she serious?

By the 5th view I have since changed my view of Miley from freak show to PURE GENIUS.

It’s seriously such a crazy train wreck you can’t look away. You watch it over & over. You share it with every poor soul that will make fun of it with you.

Marketing genius Miley.

She set out to make a completely outrageous, get all them bitches talkin video.

Mission accomplished.

I mean look at me..I’ve watched it more times than I care to share without looking like a whack-a-doodle and now I’m blogging about it.

Probably from my post alone her YouTube views will shoot from 45 million to eighty-ten bazillion.

You’re welcome Miley.

Oh yeah..check this chick’s post on the video out…

http://winterswinters.wordpress.com/2013/06/20/an-analysis-of-we-cant-stop-miley-cyrus-new-music-video/

Caution: It’s totes hilar… & has a clean shot of Miley’s money maker moonin. Plus..more twerking than one post should be allowed to have.

 

 

 

 

Brazilian Wax

 

I’m seriously crushin hard on this totally hilarious chick…

http://brittanyherself.com/2013/04/12/the-brazilian/

Muh fav quotes from the vid…

“So don’t be shocked if it’s not red down there I do dye it black on purpose & also perm it.”

“I was actually in this exact position last night.”

“Is it too late to get a design? Like a Harry Potter lightning bolt or something?”

“I think I’m like 4-6 lbs lighter”

Oh & a big fat thanks to The Bee for getting me addicted to some Stevie Ryan.

I die from the hilarity.

Totally. Addicted.