B!tch-slapped by KARMA!

Ugh…Yesterday sucked big donkey dung.

Well…technically it all started the night before. And technically…I may or may not have brought it all on myself.

You see…the other day I did something that…although it was totally hilarious & entertaining & probably well deserved…I feel almost a teensy bit bad about now. I won’t go into the deets of it…but you can only imagine how great it was considering how awesome I am.

Anyhoo..prob the MAIN reason I am regretting it now…is because I believe I opened up a big can of Karma.

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The night of the day that I unleashed my extremely amusing antics…it was raining & nasty outside. The kids & I ran into the Dollar Store to grab some milk. I let Daynie and Garridon each carry a gallon of milk. As we were headed to the back to grab some pullups…I heard what I can only describe as a giant water balloon hit the ground behind me and bust open. Then I felt it! ALLLLL the flip over me. Up my leg, my rear, all over my $65 rhinestone flip flops. I turn around to a terrified & embarrassed Daynie…and look down to see milk covering the whole floor and me!  My WHOLE backside was covered in milk.

Oh the hell there isn't!

Oh the hell there isn’t!

 

And thenthen I had to get into my white chariot and drive all the way home covered in the mess. And it was wet & freezing cold outside. Do you know how hard it is to walk in flip flops that are completely covered in cow juice? I was slippin & sliding and trying not to bust my ass on top of it all.

Fast forward 12 hours…I woke up yesterday feeling like I was hit by a truck, Danny was on day 4 of being an ass wipe, and Garridon…let’s just say he was being his normal whiney baby I don’t wanna wear pants morning self.

Sooo..I started off screaming at G all morning..threatening him with anything I could think of trying to make him get dressed in the pants. I couldn’t find anything to wear…because Danny and I were in a four day long fight that has resulted in a no house cleaning stand off. So needless to say I have mountains of laundry in every room and my house looks trashed. Since I spent all my time screaming at Garridon & chasing him around with a paddle…I didn’t have time to wash my hair in the shower…I had about 2 min to rinse off. My day automatically sucks if I can’t get my 30 min shower in.

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I only have one pair of jeans that currently fit me & currenltly they are in the bottom of Mt. Everest in my laundry room..so…I had to wear a pair of jeans that are too big & fit me 35 lbs ago. Threw my hair back in a pony & ushered my kids to the car. That little guy was STILL crying. It’s pouring down rain. And he stands there. In the rain. “because Daynie got in first” Is this kid serious? So I have to put all my stuff down…run out in the rain…physically put him in the car..come back in..load allll my stuff back up in my arms..and BAM! I gotta go to the bathroom. Like right the hell now. So..once again I put all my stuff down…run to the bathroom…whimper because my tummy hurts so bad..then race back to reload my arms with all my stuff…get into the car (where Garridon is STILL crying) and rush to take the kids b/c we are now late. And it’s still cold & raining AND my car is freezing because my remote start (aka Danny) is trying to teach me some kind of lesson…one kid crying..one kid whining it’s cold…flippin world war three going on in my stomach. UGH!

Then when we meet up with my friend so she can grab the kids & take them to school…Garridon is in the back crying and refuses to get out of the car. I felt SOO bad..b/c ONE…my friend was getting soaking wet standing in the rain trying to coax G out of the car…(not to mentin my car getting soaked) and TWO..I felt bad that Garridon’s morning had gone just as bad as mine & now he had to go to school crying..Mom guilt to the max.  She finally gets him out of the car..I feel HORRIBLE when I see how wet she is! And then BAMMMM!

It hits me again! I’m thinkin…I can make it to work. So allll the way to work I’m red & sweating & breathing like I’m in labor…hee hee hoooo…HEE HEE HOOO. and  PRAYING! Even though I’m wondering in the back of my head..is it too early to ask for prayers after my little shenanigan the day before?

bathroom run

I pull up to work..leave everything in the car…run for dear life…unlock the door..turn off the alarm…grab to open the door to the bathroom…and that’s when it happens.

I chit muhself.

Yes people you heard me right. I chit muhself.

NOT THREE FEET FROM THE EFFIN TOILET…I chit muhself.

The hardest part…trying to maneuver my way out of my nasty, three size too big britches..so I can finish muh bidness.

And as I sit there in horror…and assess muh situation. I felt like a total lame ass freak.

And then I knew!

karma

 

You put shit out into the world…you get shit back.

Lesson effin learned.

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3 thoughts on “B!tch-slapped by KARMA!

  1. I literally have tears running down my face from laughing…been there and done that what a helpless feeling. I really enjoy your blog

  2. Uummm… Monday at work….all down the leg…..had to wear bright blue scrub bottoms with my breast cancer awareness scrub top..did NOT match. Just glad the boss wasn’t in yet……

  3. Yup. Been there, done that – except it happened in traffic on a highway and all I had in the car was tupperware……….TUPPERWARE.

    I shat in the tupperware and then non-chalantly pulled over to the side of the highway (think bumper to bumper traffic) and exited my vehicle to dispose of my shitfilled tupperware into the woods…..

    I did the walk of shame back to the car and wished I had tinted windows….

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