Meth heads, Cigarette Lungs, and 50 year old Pedophiles…

Daynie begs me on the daily for internet or texting on her phone. (she doesn’t have a phone…my kids have our old phones with no service that we make them call “iPods”)

Poor kid…she will probably be the last kid in her grade to have a phone with interent…if she ever gets it.

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Yes..I’m one of THOSE moms.

I know the world is a-changing and kids with phones and Instagrams and Facebooks is now the norm….but I’m just not down yet.

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Believe me…my kids are in no way deprived.  $100 pair of Miss Me’s because all the girls have them? DONE. Retarded crazy band loom kit because all the kids at school play with them at recess? NO PROB.

Unlimited unsupervised access to the Devil’s realm aka the internet? NO WAY JOSE.

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Nope. Not ganna happen.

There’s a whole lotta kids at Daynie’s school and in her grade that have phones or iPods with access to the internet. And judging by what I’ve seen….a whole lot unsupervised.

She has a couple of friends that actually follow ME on Instagram.  They are actually some of the first to “like” my stuff. And if you follow me you totally know I have NO FILTER.

I don’t believe I should have to censor myself because their parents don’t monitor who they follow. My Instagram is an extension of my blog. ON THE INTERNET. These kids in real life have never heard me say a cuss word. If they are following me doing or saying GROWN UP things on the internet…that is the responsibility of the parents…not me.

Side not then off my rant….I actually never think twice when I post…I just post whatever I feel because it’s MY IG….except one time back at Christmas…there was  this funny eCard.

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I went to post it on my IG and actually stopped myself because I knew some of Daynie’s friends followed me and I didn’t want to ruin the magic of Christmas & Santa & the elves for them.  LOLOLOL.

See the logic there? I don’t give a shit about cussing and letting my crazy fly but I’m sure as hell not going to ruin that damn elf for them. Hahahaha.

Back to the internets. My kids “iPads” & iPods are locked down like prison. Disney & Temple Run are as cool as they get.

For all you folks with a little older kids…you REALLY need to check out this article on dangerous apps.

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Most apps seem so harmless….and being immature little humans…they don’t understand the gravity of these situations. That’s why it’s our job as parents to be on top of this shit and monitor the hell out of our kids and their stuff!

Like Instagram…seems so simple & legit….I see these teeny boppers that have like 2500 followers. Ummm…WTH??!!?? How do I get some followage like that?? But for real…they can’t possibly know that many people. Little do they know…that hot boy from the next town over that keeps DMing them is really a 50 year old loser pedophile in his mom’s basement using that fake profile to gain access to them.

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Are parents even cautioning their kids about this stuff?

I mean damn…I’m shoving before and after pics of meth heads and cigarette lungs in my kids faces every other dang day…

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by the time they actually get access to the internet (prob around when they are 21) they will be so sick of me in their ear telling them all the bad stuff they will probably just hand their phones over and say just forget it…we’re sick of listening to you…I’ll go to the library and do my book report on World War III.

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What’s a card catalog again?

Mickey Mouse Birthday Party

 Today I am featuring a super adorable Mickey Party given by my friend. I did the invitiation & thank you. She had sooo many cute ideas! A lot of them can be used for any theme!

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Of course, clothing coordination is a must!2409 2410

The ears on the cupcakes are made with mini oreos.2411

Such a simple decoration that makes such a huge statement! I LOVE this!2412 2413 2414 2415 2416 2417 2418 2420 2421 2422 2423 2425

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I really really really want one of these plate/utensil servers! Like really!2613 2614 2615 2618 2619

 

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Did you freakin know?! Muh fav “iPad” & iPhone tricks….

I know I’ve been pretty much MIA lately. It’s that crazy thing called life again.

One thing that has definitely helped me in my hustle to stay adrift is muh new “iPad”.

I’ve picked up a few tricks & wanted to share them with ya’ll! most of these will prob work on the iPhones too.

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1. FOR SURE this is #1!!!

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Put your thumbs in the middle of keyboard & swipe them suckers to the sides…and BAM…it’s a whole new world!  Now you can type with your thumbs the same way you do on your iPhone.

2. Accidentally type an extra zero? That’s ok..simply remove it by swiping left to right!

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3. Doing some nighttime work? Invert the colors on your device for a better viewing experience!

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Inverting your colors will turn the screen black and the text white for less eye strain.Go to Settings > General > Accessibility. Turn on “Invert Colors.”

4. Need it to charge faster?? Put it on airplane mode & it will charge twice as fast! Say what?!?

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5. Just for the “iPad” users…did you know that…you can add up to six apps to the home row? AND you can add folders too?

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6. For you blog masters like me, getting your blog on when on the go can be made a tiny bit faster when you know this little trick…double click that space bar to add a period & a space & automatically capitalize the next letter. 

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7. What else can make you blog pros get after it quicker?? A blue tooth keyboard! I love mine! And here’s a dirty little secret…ALL blue tooth keyboards work with your gear! They don’t have to say “iPad” on the box!

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Oh ya’ll know…it works for iPhones too!

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8. Outsmart that pesky auto correct by adding an extra letter when you want to spell a contraction.

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9. This next trick doesn’t really apply to me since my “iPad” & iPhone are strictly off limits to kids…PLUS…my little monsters both got their own iPads for their b-days!

but I thought I’d share for everyone else…you can turn on “guided access” when a kid is playing on your iPad.

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Guided Access, once turned on, keeps users from errantly clicking or tapping within an app and ending up someplace they’re not supposed to be, or deleting something accidentally.

First, you need to go to Settings > General > Accessibility > Guided Access and turn it on. You’ll also want to turn on the Accessibility Shortcut.

Triple-click the home button in whichever app you want to turn it on for. From here, you can select any buttons that you don’t want clicked. Or you can also disable the home button while keeping the touchscreen on.

10. Those ear buds are pretty useful for something other than rockin out to your jams!

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Just click the volume + button on the remote on your Apple or Apple-compatible earbuds while in camera mode to click and shoot, or the middle button (play/pause) while in video mode.

Obvi…me being The Selfie Queen…this is useful.

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But…ya know…here’s a little trick for your jam sesh too…

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With the remote of your your earbuds, you can go to the next tack or the previous track while listening to music or podcats.

BONUS TIP FOR YOU Do It Yoselfers: There’s a level in the Compass app!

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Being a Teen Mom addict..

Sooo…how many of you caught the Teen Mom “Being” specials?!?

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I’m only going to tackle the Being Farrah & Being Amber in this post…because…well…obvi those are the two train wrecks everyone gets in a hissy over.

Maci’s was all the way last year & pretty boring. I will say Ryan was less of douche in that episode and Dalis pretty much showed her needy little lame ass.

Being Catelyn was pretty much what everyone expected….they are  the sweetest little couple wise way beyond their years.

Now Farrah…

If you didn’t already know…

Farrah is an attention seeking dumbass.

Here’s my reference to back that up:

http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2011/12/kourtney-kardashian-teen-mom-farrah-abraham-twitter-feud/

Farrah…just close your mouth honey. STOP TALKING.

BTW- I LOVE how they all respond. Especially Scott!

Ya’ll know how I love me some Kardashians!

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Especially LD.

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Back to this airhead:

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This whole show….

ugh!

just ugh.

 

we we all know that this pretty much sums up Farrah…

 

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Well not much has changed with that except now we can add:

 

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Question NUMBER ONE: How many times can you plug your porn?

It’s bad enough Farrah DID the porn…but this whole show she basically plugged it with her “everyone makes mistakes” and “I’m not a porn star” references.

She referred to her porn no less that 328 times in this episode.

But I’m not a porn star.

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Right Farrah.

Another obvious WTF moment:

Did she really just say that? They do NOT look amazing Farrah…they look like someone busted you in your mouth

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Farrah honey stop. You are addicted.

One thing that really aggrivates me about Farrah…she always always brings up the dead boyfriend. AND THAT’S FINE. Obviously that is Sophia’s father & she wants to keep his memory alive. BUT…to blame it on the kid & say she asks about him & misses him? That’s just stupid & annoying.

So…a 4 year old constantly talks about missing a daddy she’s never met? Hmm.

Ya’ll…I totally cringed through this whole episode. She’s just so…UGH!

BUT…this was definetly the most cringe worthy yet hilarious moment of the whole show:

Also…I just want to yank that paci right out of that kid’s mouth. She’s almost FIVE people!

Here’s the full episode in case you want to gag a lot.

 

As if her Being Farrah show wasn’t a big enough train wreck…here’s a little bonus WTF:

Soo…moving on to Amber.

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I dreaded watching this show because Amber gets under my skin like Janelle.

But I was pleasantly surprised by Amber’s show!

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She was actually less The Spawn of Satan & more relate-able kinda sorta

Prison really worked wonders on this girl.

She is so different! Reminds me of Josh (from Teen Mom 3) when he got off the pills and could actually form a sentence.

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Gary is still a fat ugly ogre though.

Leah has turned into a beautiful little girl. You know I was worried for a minute there from her baby pictchas!

Lookin a little too much like her daddy *shudder*

Lookin a little too much like her daddy *shudder*

Leah was VERY excited to be with her mom. It’s amazing & beautiful after all that kid has been through with her mother that she still has that unwavering love for her mom.

The most heart wrenching moment came when Leah & Amber were laying in bed. Leah asked Amber…‘Are you going to be here when I wake up?’

I felt my heart shatter into a million tiny pieces.

And I know it broke Amber’s heart too.

The next day she was telling her Grandma about it & here is where my view of Amber REALLY changed.

In case you didn’t catch all that:

As she is telling her g-ma about what Leah said in bed…Leah is unable to hold back tears, and she runs to her bedroom and closes the door.

“I feel so f— bad. I left her for so long and I just don’t f—ing want her to feel that way I know why she’s acting the way she is. She’s afraid I’m going to f—ing leave her again.

“I just hate everything I did. It was all the drugs and s—t. It was all I did. All I did was get f—ed up.”

All I could think to myself is…WOW! Amber FINALLY gets it!

That breakdown she had really showed her change from the selfish drug addict to a caring mother. This change that is so evident in this episode is so so amazing!

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Now I’m not saying Amber is fixed. I’m just saying that she recognizes who she was and the damage she has done and that’s how she can move forward and change.

Another heartbreaking moment was when Gary picked Leah up to take her home…Leah asked Amber, “Mommy I’ll be back tomorrow will you be at jail?”

I’m so happy that Amber used her time in prison for the better and I’m happy for this second chance her daughter has to have a mother.

And on a serious note…we should all pray for these two that it lasts and continues to progress.

On a not so serious note….her hair:

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From her jail special I was horrified by her hair. It looked greasy-slash-hard-slash-wtf .

Well.. Hair explained!

Jolly Ranchers…who knew?

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Wait. What?! It’s Wednesday?

Oh…it is Wednesday already??

I almost forgot until I saw the Humpday posts flooding my IG feed.

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Seriously ya’ll….even the camel is over that damn joke.

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OR…he could just look like that because Miley violated him.

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Whatevs…either way…the ridiculous amount of Hump Day crap reminded me that it is in fact…Weight. What?! Wednesday.

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Womp. Wooomp.

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Obviously this is not going as planned. I feel like a loser when I have to post my weight & it’s higher than the previous week…AND OF COURSE…that is the whole point of Weight. What?! Wednesday….to make myself accountable and know that I am posting it on the blog…. therefore make me stay in check….except it really doesn’t.

Because..well…although I usually start every other day out with good intentions…

 

Life throws me vomit & laundry…

and add to that being stuck in the house all day..with the perfect ingredients to make the perfect sandwich just taunting me…

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And DAMN, just DAMN…I really need that greasy, cheesy, mayonaissey, goodness to deal.

In fact…I would say…I deserve it!

Except people…the problem is that is my life everyday.

One healthy meal…17 bad meals.

I blame it on Eve...

I blame it on Eve…

Good intentions…no follow through.

One revelation…25 excuses.

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I have tried to make small changes and have stuck with a few…like no soft drinks…and…uh…ok well that’s really it.  Everything else I keep slipping back into old habits.

 

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Ha…maybe I need to take my own advice! Well…my goal is always the same…and I will always keep trying to reach it…but I for sure need to come up  with some better methods because what I’m doing is obviously not working.

So…tell me…how do you stay motivated through the tough times when you just want to quit?

In other big news…

Frozen came out on DVD yesterday!

Just in case you live under a rock & didn’t know.

Because OMG obviously you’re the only one that ran out & bought the movie. I’m pretty sure every daggum person in America had Frozen on the tv yesterday. I even ordered it for my sick kid off PPV….but guess what….I didn’t POST it…GASP!!! #Bandwagonmuch?

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In other fun news…in between loads of laundry and disinfecting EVERYTHING…I found funnies to text muh man.

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Maybe these were just funny to us considering my husbands obsession with Craigslist & our ongoing debate about  Bigfoot’s existence.

When I came across this I just got a little creeped out…

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Haha! Maybe I should take it as a sign to suck it up & quit being a baby about this diet thing!

Whaaa!

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Is being fat really all that bad anyway?

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A few fun favs…

I just love a quick little video that can make me chuckle or crack a tiny smile…it makes me happy and gives me a quick little escape from the real life for a moment.

Here are some I’ve hearted lately:

HANDS DOWN…this is the best video of the week. Everyone is talking about it & it’s def hard not to love this kid!

This is sweet. I always always always wished I was a singer. I would so be down with doing this.

I know this one is cheezy…but all the pet lovers out there will be as amused as me :)

Has anyone seen the YouTube channel Convos with my 2 year old?? I binge watch them all the time…. I know it’s sad…but they are just too cute!

This one isn’t as fun as it is ENRAGING. You just want to slap the little prick.

But…as annoying as he is…The Biebs is still a good train wreck that hard to look away from.

 

Seriously ya’ll…I just love this couple.

That is SOOO me. & sooo NOT my husband! Ha!

Tell me you guys…what are some of your favs lately?